What Is The Best Car To Deliver Pizza ?

"Margin Of Error" (marginoferror) 01/18/2016 at 12:08 • Filed to: QUESTION OF THE DAY

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Okay, so let’s say you just landed a driver position at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! What would be the best car for the job ? Of course you will want good MPG and a bullet proof reliability to get the best operating ratio as possible, but you also want something that is quick, comfortable and fun to drive, as your are going to spend most of your time going back and forth delivering tasty Papa John’s pies.

What is the best car for a Pizza shipping professional ?

Textured Soy Protein > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:10

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The Domino’s Chevy Spark DXP with built-in pizza oven, duh.

Party-vi > Textured Soy Protein 01/18/2016 at 12:12

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But that means you’re delivering Domino’s pizza, which means it is in-fact the worst car to deliver pizza in.

Thunderface > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:13

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Ford Crown Victoria.

Runs for ever, comfy, and symbolic of America- just like the beautiful, gluttonous pie you're delivering.

Urambo Tauro > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:13

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You might want to modify the exhaust note on this one...

CalzoneGolem > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:14

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Something disposable. The cheapest smallest hatchback you can get. It will forever smell of pizza unless you clean the interior extremely thoroughly on the reg. Get a cheap little hatch and remove as much interior as possible.

BigBlock440 > CalzoneGolem 01/18/2016 at 12:15

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It will forever smell of pizza

I don’t see a downside here.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:15

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I’m sure the FiST or FoST will be mentioned, but I think the Fiesta/Focus 1.0 Ecoboost would be great. I hear the exhaust note is nice and the drive is decent (even if it’s unremarkable), you get great fuel economy, and it won't attract attention if you're speeding to a house to make sure you get paid for the pizza and not get screwed by one of those time guarantees.

Under_Score > Textured Soy Protein 01/18/2016 at 12:16

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That looks like something that would be on Bring a Trailer in 20 years. Such a unique car.

CalzoneGolem > BigBlock440 01/18/2016 at 12:16

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I’m guessing you’ve never worked in a restaurant.

Porsche was my first word > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:17

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Peel P50 with a box on the roof. About 1 billion mpg

Can drive inside buildings, pizza boy don’t need to get outside of the car.

Textured Soy Protein > Party-vi 01/18/2016 at 12:17

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You could always steal a Spark DXP from your local Domino’s and go deliver some other pizza in it, at least until Domino’s calls the cops.

Also, Domino’s (and Pizza Hut) have redone their recipes in the past few years to make their pizza less shitty. I wouldn’t call either of them good , but they’re at least in the ballpark of being acceptable options in a pinch.

Margin Of Error > CalzoneGolem 01/18/2016 at 12:17

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I’d rather have a pizza smelling car than a wet labrador smelling one.

Under_Score > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:17

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Prius c. Because bright orange.

MGS315 > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:17

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Not the best MPG but it’s oddly practical...

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:18

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Honda fit.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Party-vi 01/18/2016 at 12:18

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It isn’t the worst car to deliver pizza in, it’s the worst pizza to be delivered with that car.

Margin Of Error > Porsche was my first word 01/18/2016 at 12:18

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Yeah, but by the time you deliver one pizza, the other guys already delivered 3 or 4

Your boy, BJR > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:18

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My preferred method was 2004 Cadillac DeVille. Huge trunk for all the food ever ( I fit 40 pizzas in once) air ride keeps it from jostling them around too much, roomy and a comfy place to spend a few hours a day, and it fit the NJ Italian stereotype.

d15b > CalzoneGolem 01/18/2016 at 12:18

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This. Best MPG, can park almost anywhere.

Also, buy an extra starter.

Margin Of Error > gin-san - shitpost specialist 01/18/2016 at 12:19

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ST’s would ruin the guy just in fuel, agree with the 1.0 EB

BigBlock440 > CalzoneGolem 01/18/2016 at 12:19

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I washed dishes one day, might have even got paid for it (it was a few years ago).

Baeromez > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:20

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I’m pretty sure you’re legally required to drive one of these:

Party-vi > Textured Soy Protein 01/18/2016 at 12:21

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I’ve had Dominoes for the longest time, and compared to a Pizza Hut pizza I got recently it’s terrible.

Spridget > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:21

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Ford Fiesta Mk1. Cheap, parts are plentiful and cheap, easy to repair, good MPG thanks to small size, great space utilization, and great handling.

Mercedes Streeter > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:25

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2016 smart fortwo with the 5 spd manual:

Can dart around any city or town centre.

Pizza can sit on the passenger seat or on top of the engine cover (boot area)

Factory warranty

Roughly 40+ mpg unless you drive like me. Then like 35 mpg.

Margin Of Error > Mercedes Streeter 01/18/2016 at 12:26

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They make it with a manual now ?

D > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:27

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I deliver, my NA Miata serves me pretty well. It’s only been too small once in almost two years (23 larges, what can I say). It's super maneuverable and fun enough to keep shifts interesting.

pjhusa > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:28

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The i3!

Electric power train, adequate power and range, storage space...

Perfect for the wealthy pizza delivery man!

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:29

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You’re asking a lot here... There simply isn’t a good answer to this question as pizza delivery is for people that can’t handle math because you spend a lot more on your car than you get paid...

It needs to be the cheapest car with good gas mileage you can find. I’m thinking a used mid-00s car with some kind of ludicrously-reliable engine. Manual Geo Metro/Suzuki Swift? Manual Hyundai Accent? 90s Honda Civic Coupe? Taurus with a Vulcan? PT Cruiser?

Wheelerguy > MGS315 01/18/2016 at 12:30

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And you can actually make and bake the pizza in it.

You first assemble the pizza before you leave, then as you drive, the pizza bakes, and by the time you get to the customer, it’s done, served fresh and hot at the door.

Mercedes Streeter > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:30

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Legit 3-pedal Manual or DCT! The old and unloved transmission is dead!

Long Live the Longdoor > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:30

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A pizza place near my house has one of these as their delivery vehicle, not a bad choice if you ask me:

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:32

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I spent many years delivering pizzas for Papa John’s and a few others. Here were my fleet:
1988 Plymouth Sundance:

1987 Mercury Cougar:

1995 Saturn SL1:

1988 Buick Century:

1999 Chrysler Concorde:

Then a few years later:

2005 Chevy Malibu:

and 2013 Kia Soul:

crowmolly > Your boy, BJR 01/18/2016 at 12:38

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Cadillac is 100% the correct answer.

On top of the reasons you mentioned, delivering pizzas in a luxury car typically associated with a certain subset of Italian-Americans leads to far fewer people fucking around with the delivery person.

Margin Of Error > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 01/18/2016 at 12:38

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DAT COUGAR HHHNNNNGFGG

CalzoneGolem > BigBlock440 01/18/2016 at 12:39

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The smell gets old.

Smelling like pizza everyday = lame

Eating pizza everyday = awesome

CalzoneGolem > d15b 01/18/2016 at 12:39

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If you have a tiny hatch and a stick you don’t need a starter.

CalzoneGolem > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:42

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Yeah, I guess If I had to pick. The more interior you remove the less there is to trap smells.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 01/18/2016 at 12:43

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That’s spoken like someone who’s never had to jump in and do that kind of job before. If you’re in a decent area - Outer suburbs of a major city are usually good - you can make about $1.50 a mile in tips/mileage before your wage. With gas under $2/gallon and a car that gets 30+ mpg, it’s not that difficult to make a living wage. But then there’s also the fact that if you’re in a bad area you’ll end up losing money. I made more money delivering pizzas than I did in my first “real,” job. So don’t judge. It makes you seem like an asshole.

Textured Soy Protein > Party-vi 01/18/2016 at 12:44

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Pizza Hut until recently had gotten really shitty and I stopped ordering from them. When Domino’s redid their recipe, I actually preferred Domino’s over Pizza Hut. But now Pizza Hut also redid their recipe, and I’d say it’s back to being better than Domino’s.

Neither of them is good , and I don’t order pizza all that much anyway, but while there are plenty of good pizza places in my town , none of the ones I actually like are close enough to my house for delivery. So we occasionally get delivery from one of the chains.

Stevo777 > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:44

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2000~ Honda Insight

Some local guy became famous for delivering pizza in a red, silver and yellow one. Yes, he had 3. Everyone called him Super Dave ( his name was actually Dave) because he worked pretty much every day for about 4 years delivering pizza zipping around in his little insight.

Cool guy, all three were manual

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 12:45

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It was a total POS. The 3.8 throttle body V-6 blew its head gasket before 100k and then my dad - in his wisdom - installed a 302 TBI from an early 80s Town Car. Of course, he didn’t take the computer, fuel pump, or injection system from the Lincoln so it barely ran. Always super lean. Until one day it caught fire in a mall parking lot.

Bytemite > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 01/18/2016 at 13:04

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That Concorde. I’m sorry.

mazda616 > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 13:09

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Most common pizza delivery car here in Kentucky: GM J-body, either a Sunfire or a Cavalier. Needs rust, a missing wheel cover, various dents and scratches, and a hole in the muffler making it loud enough to wake the dead.

Margin Of Error > mazda616 01/18/2016 at 13:10

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These cars are like roaches, they will survive doomsday

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Bytemite 01/18/2016 at 13:10

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I bought it brand new in 2002. It had 362 miles on it. It was a 1999. Within 30k miles it sludged up and developed piston slap. What a POS it was...

Drunk-Al > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 13:13

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If you want to ensure your pizza arrives hot, this is the best option.

Margin Of Error > Drunk-Al 01/18/2016 at 13:18

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hahahah !!

good one

coelacanthist > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 13:36

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A cheap beater. Delivery driving beats the ever loving crap out of a car. I would never (again) subject my daily driver to delivery duty.

wkiernan > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 13:40

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There’s a guy in St. Petersburg who delivers pizzas in an NA Miata.

d15b > CalzoneGolem 01/18/2016 at 13:57

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Thought it through. You’re right! Junkyard commando hatchback, ftw!

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 01/18/2016 at 13:59

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I’ll admit that I have never done that kind of work, not that it interested me. It just often leaves my mind reeling when I order a pizza and look out the window to see a young guy in a newer car (almost certainly purchased by the parents) delivering my pizza. It sets off my mental calculations: ((Tip * 0.75) + (AltMinWage * ((Distance * 2) / 20))) - (Distance * 2 * GSAMileageRate) = Income. I rarely order pizza, but outside WA this mental calculation has never beat the local Minimum Wage, even at a rate of 6 pizzas per hour.

Now, with highly optimized deliveries of groups of pizzas at rush times, you could probably make well above minimum wage, but it would be far from constant.

Even without an alternative minimum, it’s really hard. To make money at it where I live would be effectively impossible (rural/exurban area covered by two pizza places that deliver). My girlfriend, on the other hand, is much more typical - she lives a suburban area 2.5 miles (20-minute round trip, with a quick stop) from the nearest Pizza Hut, which results in -33 cents before tip in WA (until this year, it was the highest state minimum wage in the country).

The problem is that it appears lucrative to those doing it because they miss all the hidden expenses. The vehicle is a huge one. Gas. Insurance. Potential taxes on the tip.

This is why I can’t figure out why people do it.

Joe6pack > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 14:09

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Might I suggest a 1969 Mercedes 200D as that is the very car I used to deliver pizzas in the mid-80's. The boss supplied the cars for us. We had two, the mercedes and a brand new 1987 Ford Escort. The Mercedes was madenningly reliable, practically indestructible (believe me, we tried), comfortable and cheap to operate. On cold nights, we just left it running all night. It definitely wasn’t fast, but it sold me on German build quality.

Oh, and the escort? It was retired after two years. Seems we somehow managed to break the frame.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 01/18/2016 at 14:53

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See, you’re overcomplicating things. Many pizza places generally pay minimum wage to begin with. They also pay mileage - either per run or a percentage of sales - that averages between $1.00-1.50 per delivery.

For example, when I was at Papa John’s five years ago, in a suburban residential area, the store would pay $1.00 per order (out of the $1.75 delivery fee) to the driver for mileage. They’d also pay minimum wage for “in store,” time and $4.50 per hour when checked out on the road. At the time, gas was around $2.75/gallon, and I was driving a paid-off 2005 Malibu. In a four-hour Friday night shift, I would take home $60-75 in cash. That was with three runs per hour, on average, with a typical order in the $20-25 range. By the end of the night, I had put 45-50 miles on the car. Most of the drivers made about the same amount. It was not a bad gig for a part time job. A lot of full time drivers made between $30-35k per year. You won’t really get wealthy on those wages but it’s definitely enough to get by.

It seems that you’re making some assumptions about the drivers based on their outward appearance. Everywhere I worked, there were all kinds of drivers delivering. From college kids, to teachers, to career pizza drivers, immigrants, and even a retired pharmacist.

Once again, I’ll say don’t judge . You don’t know the situation and it’s not your place to make a value judgement. Just tip your driver, and don’t be a dick.

Khalbali > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 15:07

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The car I used to deliver pizza in college, CRX Si. Great gas mileage, quick in city driving without getting into trouble, and bulletproof Honda d series.

Your boy, BJR > CalzoneGolem 01/18/2016 at 20:40

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Not really, at all. My caddy just smells like 1995-2005 GM Luxury car.

86notchback > Margin Of Error 01/18/2016 at 21:38

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Fiat 500...i do delivery work and its awesome i took out the reat seats and i and driving on and off 15 hours a day and the seats are amazingly comfy and even in the city with me beating on it I get 30mpg.. Been dead reliable

Bytemite > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 01/18/2016 at 22:48

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That Kia Soul might be the only good car you’ve ever owned. My god fellow oppo, you need a car history cleanse.

Zeus_Toots > Textured Soy Protein 01/19/2016 at 03:48

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I used to deliver pizza in a straight pipped-long tubbed header, 98 Grand Marquis. Freaking loved it! If i could not find the address i would call and ask if they could hear me rev. Worked everytime.

Didnt get half bad fuel mileage either. Averaged about 17 city and on a good highway run could average 28.